Things a new mom needs to know…
It seems that every mom-to-be is inundated with advice of all sorts from a staggering number of different sources. Strangers at the supermarket, grandmothers, mother-in-laws, friends, magazines, books, websites, and many more! What’s a mom to believe? I’ve heard all the advice and I have three kids, so here is what I think a new mom needs to know.
1. You will be sleep deprived. Sure you can “sleep when the baby sleeps”, that’s a good piece of advice, but babies have radar. They know the instant your head hits the pillow and the moment that you start to drift off. They use this super power to wake up and demand your attention, RIGHT NOW. The good news is you will also develop something that I affectionately refer to as Narcolepsy of Motherhood. I find that I’m able to fall asleep even before my head hits the pillow. This talent sometimes confuses the baby radar….ahhh, sweet sleep!
2. You will no longer have any privacy. Not only will you not be able to pee by yourself, you won’t be able to pee without someone touching you. My son , who is almost two and obsessed with all things potty, practically sticks his head in the toilet while I’m trying to pee. Fun!
3. Your boobs are no longer your own. Your child will claim them and hold on to them more fiercely than anyone could even prepare you for! They will swell to 16 times their original size. They will leak when your baby cries, when a baby at the restaurant cries, when a baby on TV cries, when you think about a baby crying, and pretty much any time you are in public and forgot your breast pads. Of course, you may not be breastfeeding (which is okay even if people make you feel like it’s not), but I hear that’s no picnic either.
4. Your house will not fall apart if you don’t do the laundry, clean, or cook an actual meal. Resist the urge…really.
5. You will feel like you have no idea what you are doing. That’s okay. Babies need instruction manuals, but they don’t come with them. You will figure out your child, so give it time. Also know that just about the time you figure them out, they change their MO. That’s just how they are 
6. This will be the hardest, but most wonderful and rewarding thing you ever do with your life. Take time and enjoy (when you can) because they grow up really, really fast.
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Top 10 favorite moments from this week
#10 While changing Thomas’ diaper I commented “ewww, you have poop” to which he replied “where?”. ”In your diaper” I say, to which he responds (with a very theatric forehead thump) “OH MAN!”
#9 Baby giggles from Allen with every diaper change…he is sooo darn ticklish!
#8 Lynn tells me “Mommy, you’re amazing!” when we made homemade popsicles.
#7 Eating popsicles in the rain.
#6 Watching Lynn and Thomas play Dora/Hospital for an hour…nicely!
#5 The 5 minutes (not all consecutive) that I had to myself this week while all three children were napping at the same time.
#4 The huge smile on Allen’s face when his brother and sister sing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” to him…with gusto.
#3 The in depth hand washing tutorial Lynn gave Thomas before lunch today.
#2 Pizza and a movie on the couch with the family.
#1 Completely unprompted…Thomas gives his very distraught sister a reassuring pat on the shoulder and then a big hug while he says “It okay siser”, as we left the animal rescue where we had just left the orphaned bunny.
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Baby poop
I really don’t want to be one of those parents who obsesses about poop…but here I am talking about poop all the same! What is the deal with baby poop? Sweet potatoes and breast milk in, toxic waste out? It makes no sense to me. How can something so cute make such foul and disgusting messes in their pants? The sheer volume of poop these miniature magicians manage to produce is another amazing thing. Somehow an ounce of baby food turns into 10 pounds of sticky orange wallpaper paste between mouth and tush. Simply amazing….
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How to get out of the house with three small children…
My children are 3 years 3 months old, 20 months and 4 months old. Some people are amazed that I’m “brave” enough to leave my house by myself with all of them. I’m here to tell you that it is far more brave to stay home all day alone with them! Not to say that it’s easy to get us all out the door….
1. Feed children breakfast, and if lucky eat something myself.
2. Get the kids dressed, brush their teeth and comb the three year old’s hair…while she wiggles, complains and is otherwise less than cooperative.
3. Dress myself…quickly…before the children have a chance to UNdress themselves or create any huge messes.
4. Repack diaper bag because the one year old unpacked it looking for snacks.
5. Re-dress the now naked three year old. She found the previous outfit to warm, not warm enough, too pink, not pink enough…etc.
6. Load baby into car seat while three year old goes to the potty.
7. Repack diaper bag, again. You guessed it, the great snack hunter strikes!
8. Put on everyone’s shoes.
9. Shuttle children towards the door.
10. Retrace the three year old’s steps from the entire morning, twice, to find the beloved teddy that goes EVERYWHERE with us.
11. Finally find beloved teddy under the bed, behind the “treasure chest” where the three year old “forgot” she put him for his own safety.
12. Shuttle children towards door but discover one year old has taken off his shoes and hidden them because he was having fun searching for the teddy.
13. Find “hidden” shoes in one year old’s favorite hiding spot. His bed.
14. Shuttle children towards door….three year old has to go potty, again.
15. Potty, wipe, flush and wash hands.
16. Shuttle children towards door, go out door, lock door.
Whew, that only took an hour and a half! Now I just have to load them all into the car, and that is another story entirely.
I love sleeping children…or how I could kiss Dr. Ferber!
Don’t get me wrong, I love my children. They are the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. I adore their cute little smiling faces and all of their antics all day long. That being said, come 7 pm I don’t want to see them anymore. I work hard to get them fed, bathed, read to, tucked in and sung to so that I can have some of that precious, and oh so elusive, ADULT TIME. You know…adult time. The time when you can watch a program on TV that doesn’t have any cartoon animals singing about sharing, friends, or the importance of good oral hygiene. The time when you can actually pee without an audience. The time when you can fold the towels, and fold them only once before putting them away. The time when you can do anything without someone else touching you or “helping” you in any way. Ahhh, I love adult time.
The other thing I love is sleep. I covet sleep in the way only a truly sleep deprived person can. My mattress and I have not had nearly enough quality time together in the past 4 years, and it saddens me. So I’m sure you will understand when I say that I’m not a huge fan of those middle of the night wake ups. Well, to be fair, I have been known to enjoy some of those 3 am feedings with a brand new baby. Being the only two awake in a quiet house gives you some quality time that only a Mommy can completely understand. But as I said, I love sleep, so even the wonder of perfect baby toes and the miracle of life begins to become somewhat less awe inspiring as I continue to be dragged from my bed , for months on end, during the wee hours of the morning.
With my first child, I was clueless. Exhausted and very, very clueless. She was 9 months old and still waking up 2 or three times a night. My pediatrician assured me that she had no physiological need to eat during the night, she had just become ”accustomed” to it. Well great! How am I supposed to to go about making her become less accustomed to needing me to nursing her to back to sleep multiple times a night? Everyone seemed to have advice for me. “Give her a bottle of water instead of a boob, she won’t like it as much”…”Feed her cereal before bed, she will be full for longer”…”She’s just a baby, she must still need you at night”. Thank you everyone, but none of this was helping me. Then I found Dr. Ferber’s Book Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems. I’m not afraid to say that I could kiss the man!
I love this book!
Now I know better. My sons didn’t have the luxury of middle of the night snacks for nearly as long as my daughter. Thomas was probably 6 months old before he got the treatment. Sweet little Allen turned four months old three days ago and he has already been trained.
As if being a SAHM wasn’t already hard enough…
Being a stay at home mom is hard. It’s probably the hardest job I’ve ever had, and I’ve worked since I was 13 years old. Everyone judges you, everywhere you go…it’s an interesting phenomenon. I take my kids to the grocery store, the post office, the mall because life doesn’t stop just because you have small children. Unfortunately it takes me three times longer to do anything, not because my children make all tasks take longer (although we all know that they do), but because everyone seems to need to stop me and comment about something. ”Wow, you’re sure brave!”…”I bet you get lots of ‘help’ from you helpers, huh?”…”Wow, THREE of them!”…oh and one of my personal faves “Did you plan on them being so close or was it an accident?”. First of all, no I’m not brave they’re my children, I’m their caregiver, and we need groceries. Secondly they are quite helpful, actually, when given the chance. Third, yes there are three, so glad you can count. Finally…ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Yes I am quite sure I know where babies come from, so no, there were no accidents here. The only time complete strangers feel more comfortable asking me absurdly personal questions is when I’m pregnant, but that is another story completely. All that being said, I know these people mean no harm, they really don’t know any better. No one can completely appreciate how difficult it is to be a SAHM until they are one themselves.
So why is it that other SAHMs are some of the worst offenders? I’ve joined a couple of mom’s groups, after all a mom needs adult conversation every now and again. I also take my kids to parks and rec classes so they can have some interaction with other kids. Fair to say I’ve met and talked with many, many other SAHMs. More often than not the conversations are more a let-me-see-how-much-better-a-mom-I-am-than-you competitions. Frankly it’s just plain exhausting! I think it may just be easier to have t-shirts printed that say “I don’t make my own baby food, my kids don’t wear cloth diapers, we don’t shop at Gymboree or Baby Gap, my kids know what NO means, they eat cookies with actual sugar in them, and I breastfeed but don’t feel that formula is evil”. On the back I could print “I really don’t care how high your child can count, how many words they can sign, when they started walking, what pre-school waiting list they have been on since before they were born, or how sure you are they have an amazingly high IQ”. That’s right…I’m that mom! My kids are the ones whos clothes probably have stains becasue they play hard. My kids are the ones who say please and thank you becasue they don’t know there’s an option not to. My kids are the ones that don’t throw fits in public because they know mom doesn’t negotiate, we will just pack up and go home (even though it’s not fun for anyone…not even mom). They are also happy, healthy, and usually pleasant to be around so I feel okay with what I’m doing. Now, believe me, I know I’m not perfect and neither are my children. I just don’t really need to compare score sheets with every other mom on the block. All I really want is some adult conversation…
The potty training roller coaster
Now why are boys so difficult? My daughter was potty trained by the time she was 2! She decided she didn’t like having wet diapers and just sat on the potty and did her thing (well, sure, there were some M&M’s for motivation). My son on the other hand…..
He will be 2 in September, he doesn’t like having dirty diapers, he will tell me when he has to “poopy” or “pee pee”, he will even do the deed in the potty…but only every now and again. I even have TRUCKS as a potty prize and he LOVES trucks. Then again he does have that stubborn streak. So is that because he is who he is, or because he’s a boy?
Yesterday we were working on going potty in the potty. He told me he had “poopies” so I took advantage of the situation and put him on the potty. After a whole lot of theatrical grunting and face contorting, he proudly announces “Allda” (for all of you who don’t speak toddler, that means all done) and runs down the hallway. Nada in the potty, but a nice pile of poop on the carpet in the living room by the time I caught up to him. Darn it!!! Of course, in all of his cuteness, he looks up at me and says “Uh Oh, sowwy Mommy”. Time to get out the carpet cleaner…again.
Today my little man made me proud and peed in the potty. He got his M&M, his hotwheel truck, and his sticker. He was so proud of himself that we had to call Dad at work and brag about his accomplishment. Hooray, progress…until I hear “Uh Oh, sowwy Mommy”. Yeah, pee in the hallway. Thank goodness for concrete floors!
I know all the experts say boys take longer, just be patient, it will happen in good time. I swear he does it on purpose though! My youngest is also a boy. I wonder what he has planned for me!
